Missouri
by NettieC
Summary: A stand-alone one shot. Harm and Mac find themselves seeking shelter in a motel in Missouri...or maybe Harm's calling it 'Misery' is more apt.


Disclaimer: all the usual stuff...

**Missouri**

Misery, that was the way Harm pronounced Missouri. A million years ago, when he was at the Academy, a roommate was from the Show-Me state and while the young man spoke of it in loving and respectful terms, his accent made it sound like 'Misery', something which had stuck with Harm. After days trying to track down a retired General, Harm had nothing nice to say about the state and decided Misery was the perfect name for it.

After finally speaking to the General and with torrential rain making driving hazardous, Harm and Mac had checked into the only available accommodation in a small nondescript town. The motel was the 'Come and Go' and, like its name, there was nothing classy about it. With the rest of the rooms either occupied, kept for nightly interludes or water damaged, Harm used the key to open room 14, glad to find twin beds.

While it had long been a dream of his to spend a night, or several, with Mac confined to a hotel room, now certainly wasn't the time. While their relationship had become much closer in recent months, it had taken a frosty turn nine days earlier and, while Harm thought he knew the reason, he had been hesitant to bring it up and the longer he left it the frostier things had become.  
"Which one do you want?" Mac asked, walking in behind him, her overnight bag in one hand, briefcase in the other.  
"Either one," he replied, heading to the door. "You choose," he said, going back out to retrieve his bags. He could hear Mac mumbling behind him but couldn't work out what she was saying.

By the time he returned, a little wetter than before, Mac had chosen the bed by the wall, leaving him with the one by the window. Placing his briefcase on the bed, he dropped his bag to the floor before brushing his hands over his head trying to dislodge the raindrops.  
"Manager said there was a fast food place next door," Harm said, peeling off his uniform jacket and hanging it on the chair. "Here's the menu," he said, pulling the creased paper from his pocket. "For an extra ten bucks they'll deliver."  
Taking the menu, Mac scanned it quickly before handing it back. "Not really hungry," she said. "Might just go shower and change into my sweats," Picking up her bag she headed to the bathroom.

Knowing Mac hadn't eaten much at all that day, nor the previous two as they had been driving around trying to locate and interview the General, Harm grabbed his cell and ordered a vegetarian pizza for himself and the meatlovers he thought Mac would like, along with some garlic bread and large bottle of soda.

When the dinner arrived 40 minutes later, Mac hadn't materialised from the bathroom and Harm's concern grew as he had heard the water shut off at least 15 minutes earlier.  
"I know you said you weren't hungry," he said after gently rapping on the door. "But I ordered you a meatlovers pizza and was hoping to entice you to at least try a slice...It smells good."

Slowly, the bathroom door opened and Harm could see the telltale signs she had been crying. Her eyes were puffy and red rimmed and she wouldn't make eye contact with him. Filled with an urge to wrap her in his arms and kiss her head, Harm resisted, instead, pulling out a chair at the small table and gesturing for her to sit. Once she had, Harm opened her pizza box and placed it in front of her before unwrapping the garlic bread and doing the same.

Next, he took two glasses from the bench and placed them on the table before opening the bottle of 7Up, filling them and sliding one over to her, pleased she'd pick up a slice and had taken a few bites without any prompting. Saying nothing, Harm placed a napkin alongside her drink before finally sitting down and opening his box.  
"Can I tempt you with a slice of this one?" he asked, gesturing to his pizza.

Mac smiled slowly before shaking her head; she'd often told him she'd have to be desperate before eating vegetarian pizza.  
"How's yours?" he asked, watching as she took a piece of garlic bread and handed it to him before getting one for herself.  
"It's good," she said quietly.  
"Good," he echoed, trying hard not to stare at her, finding it hard not to. She was gorgeous; without makeup, with her hair still damp and limp and dressed in grey unflattering sweats, she was, without a doubt the most beautiful woman he'd ever met.  
"Have I got something on my face?" she asked, wiping her chin.  
"Ah, no," he said before turning his focus to his food. "Sorry, I was just..." His words trailed as he bit into his pizza which was surprisingly good.  
"Just..." she prompted when he'd finished his mouthful.  
Harm grinned sheepishly. "Just watching you," he admitted.  
"Why?" she asked, pushing a crust around on her plate.  
"Because I care about you," he said quietly. "Because you're ..."  
"Because I'm what?" she asked when Harm failed to continue.  
"Because you're ... you haven't been yourself and I'm concerned about you," he said slowly, thinking now was as good a time as any to broach the subject.  
"I'm.." she started before Harm interjected.  
"Fine," he said for her, it was the same thing she'd said for the past week.  
"Well, I am," she said turning her attention back to the food and, so she wouldn't stop eating, Harm didn't argue with her.

By the time Mac had declared herself finished she had eaten most of the garlic bread and two thirds of her pizza which pleased Harm immensely. It was more than he'd seen her eat in quite a while. As Mac cleaned up the remnants of their dinner, Harm grabbed the remote to see if there was something mutually agreeable they could watch. Alas, any plans he may have had were made redundant when the power went out and there was nothing but darkness and the sound of a million raindrops falling outside.  
"Guess it's an early night," Mac said, feeling her way back to her bed and placing her things on the floor.  
"Guess it is," Harm replied, doing the same thing before realising he needed the bathroom.

Making his way into the adjoining room, Harm managed to walk into the door before kicking the trash can in there.  
"You okay?" Mac called out as she slid between the sheets.  
"Yep," he replied. "Just trying to find out when the head is...found it."

A few minutes later, Harm exited the bathroom and felt his way towards Mac's bed.  
"Your bed's over there," she said as Harm bumped into her bed.  
"I know," he replied as he felt for the covers and pulled them up higher around her. "Just wanted to make sure you were warm and cosy," he said, before leaning over and kissing her forehead. "I really hope you sleep well," he added quietly before moving to his own bed and sliding in between the cold sheets.  
"You do know it's only 2046," she said. "I haven't been to bed this early in years."  
"I know," he replied. "We don't have to sleep...we can talk," he offered quietly.  
"Thanks," she said, "But if it's all the same I might try and get some sleep."

The quest for sleep was fruitless for both of them; the noise of never-ending storm outside, the draught creeping around the room, the thoughts of Mac for Harm and her own problems for Mac.

Somewhere near midnight, Mac stirred from a light sleep to see Harm sitting on the edge of his bed.  
"What's wrong?" she asked, sitting up.  
"Leak in the ceiling and gap in the window," he said with a sigh. "Bed's getting wet."  
"Well, if you don't mind sharing with me..." she asked as she pulled back the covers.  
"Never have," he said with a grin she could hear in his voice.

For a few minutes they both moved and wriggled trying to find the best positions for them. Eventually, they settled for Mac having her back pressed against Harm's chest and his arm wrapped around her.

In the darkness of the room, lit only occasionally by a lightning flash, Harm waited for Mac's breathing to even out before gradually tightening his grip.  
"It's my fault, isn't it?" he said quietly, so quietly Mac wasn't even sure he'd spoken. "Mac," he said a little louder. "Your...problem...it's my fault, isn't it?"  
"No," she sighed. "Not your fault, no-one's fault, no problem."  
"Then what is it?" he said, his whispered words tickling her cheek.  
"Noth..." she began slowly.  
"Mac," he interjected. "The truth...please."  
"The truth..." she said quietly. "It's easier to say it's nothing."  
"I know," he replied. "But I want to understand what's going on with you...us...and if it's not what I think it is, then I am much more concerned than I was before I started this conversation."

Rolling in the crowded single bed was a challenge but soon Mac was propped up on her elbow facing Harm.  
"What do you think it is?" she asked watching him in the little light they had.  
"Your birthday," he replied. "Nine days ago it was your birthday and I forgot. Well," he added quickly. "I didn't forget about it being your birthday it was just on the day..."  
"You were back late after a fairly difficult week's investigation in Fort Worth," she answered for him. "I didn't expect that I, or my birthday, would have been top of your priority list."  
"I know and I'll admit it did escape my mind on the day," he said, sliding his arm around her once more. "And, yes, on subsequent days too."  
"And, as I said, it's alright," she reassured him. "You've got your job to do, your life, I didn't...don't expect you to..."  
"To what?" he asked as she turned to lie down in her original position.  
"To be there," she said in a slow whisper. "I don't expect anyone to be there."  
"Really?" he questioned, wishing for anything he could see her face.  
"Yeah," she replied, settling into the bed once more. "While I knew coming into this birthday it would be a non-event, the reality of no-one remembering, caring, just hit a little harder than I thought it would."  
"Oh, Mac," he replied, his fingers making their way up to her hair.  
"No," she said with a shake of her head. "No need for 'Oh, Mac'. Life is what it is and I am just coming to terms with it."  
"It's not like I completely forgot," Harm said in his own defence.  
"Harm, really, it's okay, just go to sleep," she replied closing her weary eyes.  
"It's not okay," he said, propping himself up. "You have lots of people who care."  
"Harm," she said turning to face him once more. "I know you're trying to make me feel better but it's not worth it. Nine days ago I turned 36, it as a significant birthday for me and there wasn't one birthday wish to be had. I am coming to terms with the fact I am very much alone in this world and I would appreciate it if you just drop the topic and let me get some sleep."

Falling silent, Harm contemplated his next move. Despite not wanting to upset her any further, he knew he had to say something. "You're not alone," he finally said. "I'm here."  
There was no response. "Mac," he said softly, his hand running up her arm. "You're not alone in this world. You have me."  
"No," she replied, not moving. "I don't have you. We are colleagues. We are sometimes friends."  
"Is that what you really believe?" he asked, feeling both sad and hurt.

With a deep sigh, Mac sat up in the bed, her back pressed against the wall, her knees drawn up to her chest. "Without evidence to the contrary, yes, that's what I believe. Don't you?"  
"No, not at all," he said, sitting up with his back against the pillows. "Yes, we are colleagues but we are friends too...and at some level, I thought we were more than friends."

Resting her elbows on her knees, Mac braced her hands behind her head. "Recently, I thought maybe we were but the nature of our relationship is ...fluid..."  
"Explain 'fluid'," he asked wanting her to clearly articulate her position.  
"Sometimes I think we are destined to be together forever," she said, her head still down. "Other times I think we are colleagues and nothing more."  
"Do you really think we are just colleagues?" he asked, trying to keep his voice even.  
"Yeah," she said looking up at him. "Over the past 12 months we have been 'just colleagues' more so than anything else."  
"Is that all you want from us?" he asked feeling he had nothing left to lose.  
"No...yes," she replied. "I ... we ..." She shook her head trying to come up with the right words. "It makes life easier..." she finally said. "At least I know where I stand when we're just colleagues...and as my recent birthday showed I need to accept that this is my life."  
"So you think it's easier for me to be in your life as a colleague only...just like Bud or Sturgis?" he questioned and Mac nodded. "Tell me, Mac, when you've been on assignment with Bud or Sturgis have they ever shared your bed? Would they be sharing your bed now?"  
"No," she replied indignantly. "Of course not."  
"Why not?" he asked, not sure if he'd be slapped.  
"Because they're not..." she started before trailing off.  
"Not what?" he questioned gently.  
'Not you' was what she wanted to say. However, she couldn't bring herself to do it. "They're not the ones complaining about their beds being wet."  
Smiling to himself, Harm shook his head. "I'll let you in on a secret, Mac. My bed's not wet either."  
"It's not?" she asked looking at him.  
"No," he confirmed. "I just wanted to be closer to you...to have this conversation...to show you I care."

Silence fell.

"Well, I think since I'm the only colleague who has and is sharing your bed, I think we can say we are more than colleagues," Harm summarised.  
"I guess we can," she confirmed, not sure she wanted to have this conversation now, not sure if she wanted to stop it.  
Silence once more.  
"And I guess as I don't usually share my bed with friends, then we are probably more than that too," she offered bravely and Harm grinned those words were music to his ears.  
"I'd agree with that," he said reservedly, fighting the urge to do a happy dance on the bed.  
"So where does that leave us?" Mac asked, wanting to know, not wanting to hear a negative answer.

Surprising her, Harm got out of bed and began rummaging around his bag. Finding what he was searching her, he picked up his cell and resumed his position in the bed.  
"I have a birthday present for you," he said, using his cell for light before placing the box in her hand. "I bought this a while back and well...Happy birthday."  
"You didn't have to..." Mac began but Harm shook his head.  
"I know there was no obligation to buy you anything but I saw this and it was perfect...well, I thought it was anyway and..." He paused while she opened the black box. "And I hope you do too as I can't really take it back because I've had it waiting for this particular birthday for a couple of years and ..."  
"Years?" Mac echoed. "You bought this years ago?"  
"I did," he confirmed. "I'd not long had a difficult birthday, one you were there for and we spent a long time talking that night...about a lot of things. When I saw this I knew it was perfect for this year's birthday. You turned 36 and while it's not a milestone one as such, I knew how ...I don't know quite what word to use...but I knew it was important ...and then I blew it on the day...sorry!"

Removing the gold tissue paper, Mac stared at the necklace below or rather its pendant. It was a delicate, gold love heart with 'faith, hope, love' etched on it.  
"Oh, Harm!" she whispered as he moved his cell so she could get a better look.  
"I remember you had said the only positive thing from your childhood was the plaque by the back door with that inscription. Your mother left when she was 36 and you vowed to yourself that by the time you got to that age you would finally have all three," he said as he gently brushed her hair back from her face.  
"I did," she said nodding as her tears fell unchecked. "I can't believe you remembered."  
"There's not a lot I don't remember about you, Sarah," he said as he wiped her tears away. "Well, except the damn day itself."  
"You're forgiven," she said as she pulled the chain from its velvet home.  
"If you recall, I said to you that night that you already had all three but you didn't believe me," he said, his hand resting on her shoulder.  
"No, I didn't believe you then...I still don't," she said with a watery smile.

Taking the gift from her, Harm fiddled with the pendant, revealing the fact it was actually a locket. Handing it back to her, Harm focused the light of his cell onto it and waited until she realised what was in it.  
"You did this?" she asked incredulously.  
"Who else?" he said by way of confirmation.  
"But...but..." she started but couldn't find the words.  
"But nothing," he said, placing his hand over hers. "Like I said, you have it all...right now, if you want it."  
Mac looked from his face in front of her to the small photo of him in the locket, sitting perfectly opposite of one of her.  
"Maybe I couldn't say it before...or say it right...but, Sarah, I believe we are destined to be far more than friends. I am in love with you," he said honestly. "It may not be what you want to hear but I am...have been for a long time...will be forever..." He squeezed her hand and waited for her to speak but it did not come, not wanting the silence he continued. "I have faith in us, I have hope for an amazing future for us, I love you."

Slowly, Mac turned her head and gazed up at him. "I am not putting any pressure on you," he continued. "I've had a lot of time to think things through, to work up the courage to have this conversation but I fully understand that you may not be in the same place as me...that you might need time to think...decide...I mean it's not as if..."  
"Are you going to keep rambling or let me speak?" she asked, turning her hand over so she could link her fingers with him. Taking this as a good sign, Harm nodded and drew a deep breath. "Coming to Missouri, this was not the outcome I expected." She squeezed his hand before moving it up to her face. "I had given up on the idea of there ever been anything more between us. Figured it was easier to give up than live the way I was...thinking, hoping, wishing..."  
"And now?" he prompted, desperate to hear that she was willing to work on a future with him.  
"I think I'm willing to let myself believe in us once more...believe in 'faith, hope and love'...believe that maybe, just maybe, we can get the happily ever after we both desire, both deserve," Mac said almost breathlessly.  
"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" Harm asked, his heart beginning to race.  
"I am," she said with a nod. "I love you too," she said with a simple shrug. "I love you very much, Harm." Mac didn't need to see his face to know he was grinning from ear to ear. "You going to stop smiling and kiss me?"  
Not needing any further prompting, Harm moved his hands to cup her face before placing a chaste kiss on Mac's lips. "You have made me incredibly happy," he whispered before their lips met once more. This time, it was passionate and demanding and absolutely perfect.

Further exchanges saw them entwined horizontally on the bed. "You know this can't go any further," Mac finally said, resting her head on his chest.  
"Yeah," he said slowly. They may have finished their business in Missouri but they were still there in a military capacity. "We shouldn't have even been doing what we just were, what would the General say."  
"Oh, I wasn't thinking of it in that way...but now you mention it..." she said with a yawn.  
"Well, if you weren't thinking of it as fraternisation," he said. "What were you thinking?"  
"I was thinking that our relationship is too special to have its physical origins in the Come and Go Motel. I have thought about our first time once or twice and every time it was spectacular and in the perfect setting...never in a seedy motel as we took refuge from a storm."  
"I've thought about us too...quite a few times more than your one or two..." he said with a knowing grin. "And making love with you is going to be the icing on the cake...not the basis of the relationship and I am willing to wait as long as necessary."  
"Well, I promise the wait won't be long," she said, reaching up and kissing him once more. "Maybe we can get away for the long weekend...go somewhere special...what do you think?"  
"I think we're talking too much," he said shuffling down to be face to face with the love of his life.

As the storm continued to rage outside and lightning intermittently lit up the room, Harm and Mac exchanged deep and loving kisses until sleep claimed them.

Come the morning, the storm had passed, the skies were blue and Missouri had never looked as beautiful as it did through the eyes of a couple in love.


End file.
